Funmi, do you still have something special for the married, when it comes to sex? Besides sex, are there things that can help the marriage relationship to be ever refreshing? When married, are there some hidden sexual lifestyle one should look out for? These and many more are the questions many married men and women out there ask me at difference stages and age in their marriage relationship. So, today we are going to be looking into few of those things the married couples should take good note of when it comes to marital sex.
The topmost of it all is that sex between couples has no substitute, never should any married partner look for alternative for sex in the union. Because sex has the potential to be the most profound, satisfying and rich part of a marriage union, its place and position can never be substituted.
Sex is a mysterious and sacred act that knits a couple together in ways that are beyond description. Sometimes words fail when I try to describe the oneness that a husband and wife feel after giving their bodies to each other in all erotic ways. Whenever I teach couples about sex in conferences or in my office, the atmosphere in the room changes because of its uniqueness.
Some couples cannot wait to hear me talk openly about a topic that is often not discussed. Others are very curious while others are very skeptical; to them the topic is forbidden, ‘unmentionable’ and taboo, something not to be discussed in the public.
However, not until the married couples embrace the fact that in their union, there is no substitute for sex, their marriage will still be gravely affected in a negative way.
Study has discovered that married couples who embrace sex with a positive attitude and place sex in its rightful position in the union have the best, most satisfying life together. They enjoy sex more often and have the highest levels of physical and emotional fulfilment. Eight eight per cent of such couples receive great physical wellness. I am sure you want to know why.
Having sex and orgasm increases levels of the hormone, oxytocin, in the body and this helps couples bond and build trust. A recent evaluation of 59 pre-menopausal women before and after passionate sex with their husbands found that the more sexual intercourse, the higher the oxytocin levels.
Oxytocin allows us to feel the urge to nurture and to bond. Higher oxytocin has also been linked with a feeling of generosity. That explains why husbands can release any amount of cash to their wives whenever they are sexually fulfilled. Therefore, if you are feeling suddenly more generous toward your spouse than usual, oxytocin is in the air.
Boosting self-esteem and immunity was one of 237 reasons why people have sex, as observed by sex therapists.
Good sexual health may mean better physical health. Having sex once or twice a week had been linked with higher levels of an antibody called immunoglobulin A or IgA, which can protect you from getting colds and other infections. It helps you sleep better as the oxytocin released during orgasm promotes sleep, according to research. In addition, getting enough sleep has been linked with a good sex.
On average, the human heart beats 70 times per minute but during orgasm, the heart races at 115 beats per minute, which put the heart in a better healthier position. During sex, the body makes use of 100 muscles to produce orgasm while it takes 17 muscles to smile. This indicates that those muscles are not only active but do not depreciate. Brilliant sex produces satisfying orgasm; this orgasm releases chemicals that curb appetite so high-quality sex helps spouses to lose weight.
Any time any day, sex relieves stress. A big health benefit of sex is it lowers blood pressure and overall stress reduction.
Married women who had intercourse had better responses to stress than those who engaged in other activities or abstinence and frequent sexual intercourse has been associated with lower diastolic blood pressure.
One way to make your wife look healthy and less stressful is to give her a hug after sex; this drastically removes constant nagging headaches, increases radiant skin glow, makes her cope with life issues better, makes her more accommodating, willing to help, warm, tender, affectionate and caring. It helps her to be a better cook.
Do you know that just thirty minutes of sex between couples burns 85 calories or more?
Sex is a great mode of exercise; it improves cardiovascular health. When some older couples worry about the effect of the energy expended during sex could cause stroke, I tell them ‘that is not so’, because scientists found out that frequency of sex was not associated with, stroke, also having sex twice or more a week reduced the risk of fatal heart attack by half in men, compared with those who had sex less than once a month.
A cold shower can increase the production of sex hormone in men and women. Having sex under a cold shower is not only romantic but medicinal. Sex reduces pain as the hormone oxytocin surges, endorphins increases; arthritis pain, or PMS symptoms seem to improve after sex, due to higher oxytocin levels they gain after sexual exercise. Sex reduces prostate cancer risk, frequent ejaculations and not masturbation induced one, especially in 20-year-old and above men, may reduce the risk of prostate cancer later in life, Australian researchers reported in the British Journal of Urology International.
Sex strengthens pelvic floor muscles for wives and doing a few pelvic floor muscle exercises known as Kegel during sex offers a couple many benefits. Men enjoy more satisfaction, women enjoy more pleasure; it strengthens the area and helps minimise the risk of incontinence, backaches, fatty big tummy and hysterectomy later in life. To do a basic Kegel exercise, tighten the muscles of your pelvic floor as if you are trying to stop urine flow. Count to three, then release.
When sex is given its proper place and priority, its benefits can never be over-emphasised. Do not put anything in the place of sex; if you do, the emptiness it will create will be very noticeable.
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I would also appreciate the fact that married lovers should do anything and everything within their power to wisely handle all sexual excuses, nothing destroys marital sex faster than accumulated logical and illogical excuses.
Excuses don’t get result; there are always two options: either you make progress in marriage or you make excuses.
Many women love to have sex with their spouses but most times, each beautiful attempt is truncated by the usually work load of a typical married woman.
There are days when a man comes home desperate for rest after a day’s exhaustive work and wants to just hit the bed and sleep off. And there are other days when guys are as active as you can never imagine but there is no accompanying libido for a hot night. What do many couples do in such an instance?
Many spouses just put up their best excuse forward and go on auto-pilot. The truth is if you do this often, you will blow your relationship that you have laboured to build over the years. Listen to what a man said about his wife: “When it comes to bedroom activities, my wife is good at giving all forms or shades of excuses just to avoid sex. As a matter of fact, giving excuses is what she does for a living,’ says Mr. Kadiri. My response is, ‘Madam, if something is sweet, would you refuse to eat it even when you are tired?
If your phone takes your attention more than your partner does, put it out of the bedroom entirely.
Most parents do not engage in sex because of the fear of their kids walking in while they are at it. Even though this excuse may be true initially, it eventually becomes a survival habit. But instead of destroying the good time you share together, you could have your friends or relatives take your kids over for a day or two.
Questions and Answers
What is the best position for baby making?
My husband and I have done all the possible tests for pregnancy and we have been certified okay but four years into our marriage, I have still to get pregnant. Someone said our sexual positions matter, what is the best position for baby making?
While it’s true that you can get pregnant from all kinds of sexual positions, there is one that health experts frequently recommend as the way to increase your chances of becoming pregnant and that’s the “missionary” position (male on top) with a “pelvic tilt,”. Putting a pillow under the buttocks [not under your neck please] can help elevate your pelvis and create a slide effect, providing an easy path for sperm cells to make their way through your cervix on their journey to the ovum. Besides, do not get up immediately after sex; maintain that position for about four hours. In addition, make sure you have sex from the 10th day after your menstrual cycle until the 17th day morning and night if possible. Wives who try this tend to maximise the ejaculation rhythm, since it stays in their body a little longer compared to positions in which you’re upright, allowing the semen to drip out of the vagina. She is more likely to get pregnant if she climaxes.
Are breasts an erogenous zone for all women?
Moreover, does stimulation make the breasts larger? My wife does not like me touching her breast. However, this is one thing I love doing all the time.
Ali Baba Kabri
Most men love to fondle their wives’ breasts, but some wives do not always enjoy it. Some even find it painful particularly, at certain stages of their menstrual cycle when their breasts can become swollen. Others are too self-conscious to enjoy their lover’s caresses. They worry that their breasts do not conform to the feminine ideal (they are too big or too small) and they are embarrassed by the attention. During foreplay, the breasts get bigger and slightly harder. These changes are caused by increased blood flow to the breasts during arousal. After orgasm, everything returns to normal and the breasts revert to their former size.
Her vagina never wet despite all my romantic plays
I am a regular reader of your Sex & Sexuality column in the Saturday Punch newspaper.
I am a 54 year-old, widowed but just got married to a 41-year- old spinster four months ago. I had six children from 20 years old marriage to my late wife before her death. This suggests that I have over 18 years sex and love making experience.
My problem now is that my new wife has very low libido and she doesn’t feel aroused during love making with her. I didn’t meet her as a virgin, so she had sex experience before our marriage, and confessed that she had never enjoyed ecstasy or sexual arousal with any man. Before penetrating her vagina, I have on each occasion, done all the sensitive touches, foreplay, romantic caressing, kissing, breasts sucking, vagina fingering, and clitoral robbing, to the best of my knowledge and ability, but she still complains of not enjoying sexual arousal. Surprisingly, she professes to enjoy some arousal if she masturbates her clitoris by herself! I have tried artificial libido enhancer but there was no satisfaction yet. I enjoy my sex with her, but she wants me to make her enjoy sex from me too as I enjoy it. She wants to get pregnant; months of menstrual periods have passed after our marriage, no conception. I observed that her vagina is not wet despite all my romantic plays. One of my friends is of the opinion that my wife may be having a mental disorder problem called schizophrenia or psychosis.
Elder Theophilus Akeley
This is not a case of a mental abnormality but extreme anxiety and apprehension. First, you are newly married. Secondly, she has not been having regular penetrative sex even while single. Thirdly, you are both having a complete new sexual experience with a new person entirely. Again, you are both just few months into your marriage. My suggestion is this: both of you need to really relax and calm down. Have sex because you want to enjoy yourselves and not because you want her to get pregnant. Keep at all foreplay until she is fully relaxed and all her vaginal/pelvic floor walls are fully stress-free and cooperative. There is absolutely nothing wrong with her at all.
I have a problem at hand
I have a problem at hand; is it easy to tell if one’s partner-to-be has an STD infection? Can one get herpes infection by sharing a glass of water with a suspect? If an individual is tested negative of STD or HIV and has not had any sexual contact, can such individual be tested positive few months after? Don’t you think it is better to wear two condoms to doubly protect oneself against a partner you are not sure is cheating? Finally, are there vaccines against STDs? Can one be cured permanently? I am suspicious of my wife cheating on me, but I don’t have proof. Help me.
You might notice a rash, sores, or redness around the vulvar area or not. But it may surprise you that people with STDs don’t always have symptoms. You can’t know for sure unless that fellow is tested. There is a possibility of contracting herpes infection because saliva spreads the virus that causes oral herpes. So, there’s a chance it can be passed by glasses, straws, utensils, or lip balm and lipsticks. Don’t share these, especially if you or your partner has cold, sores or blisters. A negative test result means you’re in the clear. Not really. It means the STD wasn’t in your body at the time of the test. Infections caused by a virus like herpes, HPV, and HIV can take as long as three months to show up after you’ve been exposed. A follow-up test in three more months will let you know for sure. Wearing two condoms at a go may sound super-safe but wearing two condoms doesn’t double your protection. Instead, they can rub against each other, causing friction. That can make the condoms break or tear, which means you’re not protected at all. Doctors can cure some STDs, like gonorrhoea and staphylococcus if promptly detected, with medication. Others like herpes and HIV stay with one forever, but there’s medicine to help with the symptoms. The best way to have proofs is to do thorough examination.
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